Finished radiation and two cuts later, here I am!
I probably should have blogged about it when it first happened, because it really doesn’t bother me anymore. When I first realized my hair was going bald, I unfortunately happened to be visiting my fiance’ in North Carolina, where I had an emotional breakdown. lol. Or maybe fortunately; I guess it’s something we should go through together. And it sucked because I already had to cut ALL of my hair off, which quite honestly I have always loved too much anyway, so maybe this is a lesson (I am not my hair *sings India Arie* lol). Then on top of that, I even had to cut my mini fro off because there was no hair in the front. And I have cut my hair a million times, but what bothered me most is that something was happening to my body that I had no control over.
That’s what I have hated about all of this the most. I can’t eat when or what I want, because I get sick or want to throw up because it smells so bad. I don’t know if the huge bald spot will ever even grow back. I can’t be out and active for a full day yet because I get soooo exhausted I sleep for 12 hours. I have a time limit now on the amount of years I am “sure to be fertile.” Like, on one hand, the effects of the massive amounts of radiation that were put into my body suck so bad it infuriates me, but on the other hand, I still have life and I would be an ungrateful fool to take that for granted.
So I take it in strides, and thank God for health and for keeping His hand over my life all these years the cancer was misdiagnosed, because I could have been dead (11 years). And the support system He has given me is amazing because I know myself and I wouldn’t have been able to do this alone. My mom, Candice, Al, my brothers, Craig, my dad, James, Ashley, the list could really go on and on. My social work group, GCSW!!! UH!! Woot-woot! I am soooo thankful to know that I have people who love me, because when I first found out I was sick, I had no friends in Texas. It was me and my immediate family, and Al was deployed. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him, but I do recall him being quite upset. lol. Oh, I remember.. I found out it was cancer very unroutinely. I ended up in an 8 hour surgery and it was supposed to be a biopsy.
Anyway, I’m fine with being bald now. I’ll take being bald if it means I’m healthy any day. In other news, I’m getting married to Al in 11 days and I never imagined the excitement you feel when you know you are marrying the right person. Like, I love him soooo much. I can’t even imagine spending my life with anyone else. I’m like, in tears just writing about it. (I’m a very emotional person, welcome to my blog lol). The wedding planning is going great. Simple, elegant, small backyard wedding, which is what I’ve always wanted. And my chidhood/teenage pastor is marrying us, which I have always wanted as well. I just wish I could skip over to next Friday so I can celebrate with my friends, marry Al, and go on our honeymoon! I just hope I can keep up for a week. Energy drinks on deck!!!
