♥ Christmas, Cancer and Marriage ♥

So I’m typing on my new Asus Windows tablet. Al and I bought two for ourselves yesterday. It’s pretty nice. I can’t decide if I want to keep it or exchange it for a Chromebook. Google over Windows any day.

Anyway, this week has been a real roller coaster. Last week was bad; I was pretty depressed. 9 days out of 10 I’m okay (not good, but okay) with the whole cancer deal, but every now and then I just feel so… ugh. I was so stressed about not knowing if the cancer was gone for sure, and feeling selfish for wanting kids when I know that brain cancer usually comes back. But Idk… I guess it’s just something I have to deal with. The cancer thing never gets easier, even when it might be gone.

The week started getting super awesome again when the weekend rolled around. Friday I cooked and Al & I watched The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. It was like Studio Movie Grill in the living room. Then Saturday we went to this really awesome coffee shop in Fort Worth called Brewed. Al says I only love it because there were a bunch of hipsters there. lol. Afterwards we went to see The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. That movie was so amazing! I feel like I need to read the book again, and also watch The Lord of The Rings movies and read those books. Then at night we went to my cousin Ashley’s Ugly Sweater Christmas party, which was super fun!

So the weekend was great. I have a lot of fun hanging out with Al, which is great since we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives. lol. It really took my mind off of the whole I-could-die-a-painful-death-from-brain-cancer-one-day thing. I think one of the things that sucks the most is that it’s so hard for me to talk about anything when I’m feeling that way. I think I put myself in a box because I feel like people expect me to be so “strong” and “full of faith,” but in real life sometimes I feel the exact opposite. And any time I start talking about cancer, I break down. So sometimes I just keep to myself. I guess in a way I feel like I’ll be disappointing people who are closest to me, even though realistically that would never happen. My circle is like… the best.

Anyway, I’m really sad and excited about Christmas! This is only the second time I haven’t been with my mom for Christmas, and that really sucks ;-( BUT it’s my first Christmas with Al 🙂 And Xzavier is here too, so I’m really excited. And we’re going to my dad’s house for Christmas Eve, and he’s totally awesome. So all in all, great Christmas on the way.

I’m trying to think of a Christmas tradition that Al & I can start. I don’t have any great ideas, which annoys me because I’m generally kind of awesome at these kind of things. Our tree is so tiny. It’s 4 feet. One of the presents is taller than the tree. Smh. Al said we don’t need a big tree until we have kids, so hopefully this is the last time this tree is the main tree in the house.

I’m watching The Carrie Diaries right now. I think i started on Monday, and I’m on season 2 now. Sarah told me about it, and it’s pretty great. Seeing little Bradshaw as a teen… #TVHeaven. Now I wanna watch the whole Sex and The City series again! Anywho, I’m hungry and not giving Carrie all of my attention. Gotta run! Merry Christmas 🙂

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