From Pregnancy to Motherhood
The past two weeks have been… *sigh* It’s hard to even think of a word. Things have been nothing short of amazing. My mommie and Al’s mom got here on December 3rd. I was wrong in the last post- not being able to eat all day was the least of my worries. All I could think about was how excited I was to see my son.
The c-section wasn’t bad at all. I was expecting it to be awful from the forums I was reading and from what people were telling me about it. Mind you, I don’t think I’m invincible or anything like that… but in my mind, a hard surgery is one where you have a stroke, have to learn how to comprehend things when reading again, have to gain balance again, learn how to walk again, learn how to speak properly again, amongst other things. I hardly felt anything with the c-section, and the pain afterwards was minimal.
I did, however, have to get that numbing shot 4 times. That part sucked. The anesthesiologist kept hitting my bone. He said that never happened and he didn’t know what was going wrong. Ok sir, well I need you to figure it out because this sucks. The sting/burn wasn’t that bad, but one time he stuck it somewhere that was causing my knee to have a reflex and I kept kicking the nurse. And that actually made my thigh hurt a lot.
At any rate, the c-section took about an hour. Foolishly, I put on mascara before I went to the hospital so I could be cute in the pictures. lol. Mistake. Burned the crap out of my eyes when I started crying. I didn’t think I would be so emotional. The second that Alvin was born I couldn’t stop crying. And I was crying even harder when I heard him cry. I had that funny crying while talking thing going on because I was like, oh my God he’s crying! And then Al and his mom got to look at him and take pictures while they were stitching me up. I was thinking, this is crap. I want to see my baby. lol. He had some amniotic fluid in his lungs that they had to make him cough up, but aside from that he was/is totally healthy.
They brought him to me and I held him for like 15 minutes while they sutured me and whatnot. It was really crazy because he kept lifting his head. It scared me that he was trying to do that so early. I mean, I don’t know much about newborns but I know they don’t hold their head up yet. lol. He does that everyday though. He’s always looking around. Curious little guy. Our moms, X, Candice, my dad, James (my second dad), and our friends Shana and Marc were there the day he was born. It was super nice having everyone there. Not too many people, but not too few.
So I didn’t know who Alvin would look like. Al and my older brother Kenny are the only two guys that I’ve seen who look identical to their fathers when their fathers were their current age. I don’t know whose genes are stronger- the Richburgs or the Roses. Well, Alvin came out looking just like me. Slanted eyes, button nose, tiny mouth, and looking like a white baby. lol. He’s so cute. His eyes are really pretty. They remind me of my brother Andre’s. Andre’s were grey like Alvin’s. Now Dre’s are a mixture of brown, blue and grey. They are a weird color, but really pretty. I think Alvin’s will be like that, but we’ll see. They may end up super dark brown like mine and Al’s. Thankfully he came out with a head full of hair like his daddy. I was essentially bald till I was like two. His hair is growing fast and starting to curl. It’s so cute.
Anyway, we were at the hospital for 2 days. We left Saturday around 3. The nurse told me that all women go through a phase called “Baby Blues,” and I’d be back and forth with my emotions for about 2 weeks. I was thinking, yeah right, you don’t know me, I’m so happy. lol. But Al and I went to Target when we left and, while happy, I broke down in the baby aisle and started crying because someone in my family hurt my feelings. It was really weird. It was something that would generally piss me off, but not make me cry. I was like.. super sensitive those first few days.
Al is impossible to wake up, and he always sleep talks. He has really weird conversations that he doesn’t remember. Most of the time they don’t even make sense. One night I tried to wake Al up, and he said, “why do you keep messing with me? It’s not even 7 o clock yet!” And one night I asked him to change Alvin, and he said yeah but kept lying there with his eyes closed. I was like, Al?! And he was like, oh you mean right now? lol. It was really frustrating because I was super tired and Alvin wouldn’t stop crying. So I sat there crying and being really mad at Al. lol. In the morning when I told him what he said, he had no idea what i was talking about. And I had no idea why I had gotten mad because Al has been like that in his sleep since we got married. So that has mostly been the extent of my Baby Blues.
Candice, Al, and our moms have been really helpful. Al only got 5 days off of work, which- excuse me while I rant- was total crap to me. Like, that’s insulting to me and to Al. A baby is not just a woman’s responsibility, and I think it’s crap that men don’t get to take time off of work for the births of their children. Anyway, while he was “off” (working from home), he stayed up till like 1 (and one morning until 4 a.m.) even though he had to get up at 7:55 to start working at 8 a.m. I know, my man is so great 🙂 After Al went to sleep, Candice stayed up till 3 or 4. I slept from like 10 to 4, and then I had baby duty from 4 and on. That has been the schedule the past week, but Al went back to work Friday.
Last night I gave Alvin to Candice at like 1 a.m. so I could take a nap for like an hour and she kept him all night. I slept until 7 a.m. Then had to wake up to feed him because the pumped milk was gone. After that, Alvin and I went to sleep until 11. So last night I slept for like 9 hours. I am soooo tired all of the time, so today was an amazing day. I was so productive and well-rested. Cleaned the house, read the Bible, tended to my young one. Doesn’t sound that productive, but I haven’t been doing anything except tending to Alvin. lol.
Alvin is always hungry. I think that he overeats though. It’s frustrating not being able to tell if he’s not really hungry. Sometimes I think he just likes to have something in his mouth. I’ll be holding him, and he’ll turn his head to the side and start licking my arm. So I’ll feed him and sometimes he’ll doze off, looking like he’s drunk off of my milk. lol. Other times he’ll keep drinking until he spits up out of his nose. I’m gonna ask his pediatrician about that.
Our friend from our home group just dropped dinner off, which was awesome. I was planning on cooking today, and right when Candice and X went to the grocery store Kendra texted me and asked if she could bring dinner. I was like… absolutely. lol.
So all in all, motherhood is amazing. It’s not easy, but it’s the best. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been so happy that I cried. Monday night I was lying in the bed and thinking about how two years ago I felt so alone and defeated. I didn’t know what God was doing with the cancer, the breakup, the broken relationships in my family. And then (Monday) I looked at Al and Alvin sleeping, and just thought… man, that’s how much God loves me. It is such an overwhelming feeling knowing that even when I felt alone, God never left me; He was setting me up for something so much greater than anything I could have planned myself. The best husband, the most perfect son, and some really amazing friends/family. I’ve never been as happy as I am now.
Welp, gotta hop in the shower, and maybe feed Alvin. He’s acting hungry, but he just ate. *sigh* So greedy. lol. Write more later!